i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
