o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
