i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
