We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
