he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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