What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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