just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
