problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
