so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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