Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
