my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
