Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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