Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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