We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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