she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
