Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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