What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
