let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
