Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
