I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
