So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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