Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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