oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
