He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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