it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
