Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
