your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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