you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
