weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Come on in and take your pants off
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