i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
