blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
