For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I need moral support for this bender
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
