I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
