I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
