all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
