I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
