Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
