i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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