I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
