I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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