It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You are a genius and a whore.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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