Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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