the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Small penises have feelings too.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
