i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
