It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
