Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
