My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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