It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
