1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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