and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
