Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
