2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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