So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
